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Cool Quotes 18-12-11

“I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth, even it costs them their jobs”

• Sam Goldwyn

“This ‘telephone’ has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us”

• Western Union internal memo, 1876.

“It’s a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose your own”

• Harry S. Truman

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Cool Quotes 29-10-11

“It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this”

• Bertrand Russell

“I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it. I said,’Thyroid problem?”

• Arnold Schwartzenegger

“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships”

• Sharon Stone

Nutritional Shake Mix (Formula 1)

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Cool Quotes 22-09-11

“Propaganda is persuading people to make up their minds while withholding some of the facts from them”

• Harold Evans

“The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love heterosexuals. It’s just that they need more supervision”

• Lynn Lavner

“What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter”

• Lykes Lines Shipping

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“There is no love sincerer than the love of food”

• George Bernard Shaw

“Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it, and that’s true anywhere in the world”

• Andrew Young

“I’d rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy”

• Tom Waits

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“A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done”

• Fred Allen

“No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We’ve been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I’ll let you know when it’s time to tell them”

• R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.

“The only nice thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others”

• Doug Larson

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“Three may keep a secret if two of them are dead”

• Benjamin Franklin

“With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast  on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me”

• Rodney Dangerfield

“The remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served us nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found”

• Calvin Trillin

SUDOKU – play sudoku on line

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To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am.

• Bernard Baruch

He may have hairs on his chest; but, sister, so has Lassie.

• Cole Porter

It is better to have loafed and lost than never to have loafed at all.

• James Thurber

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“Man replying to broker’s sales call: ‘I’ll keep you in mind in case I’m ever crazy enough to entrust all my savings to a stranger on the phone’”

• Stein

“Automatic simply means that you can’t repair it yourself”

• Frank Capra

“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve immortality through not dying”

• Woody Allen

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“Let me tell you one thing I have against Moses. He took us forty years into the desert in order to bring us to the one place in the Middle East that has no oil”

• Golda Meir

“I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating. In fourteen days, I lost exactly two weeks”

• Joe E. Lewis

“Laughter is an orgasm triggered by the intercourse of reason with unreason”

• Jack Kroll

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“We have women in the military, but they don’t put us in the front lines. They don’t know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, ‘You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms!’”

• Elayne Boosler

“The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.”

• Groucho Marx

“Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule”

• Plant manager, Delco Corporation

Crazy Jokes

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“It is a part of the function of “law” to give recognition to ideas representing the exact opposite of established conduct. Most of the complications arise from the necessity of pretending to do one thing, while actually doing another”

• Thurman Arnold

“Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as meaningless experiences go, it’s pretty damned good”

• Woody Allen

“Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven’t been able to find anybody who’ll take what I have to give”

• Cass Daley

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• Clement Freud

“Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation.  The other eight are unimportant.”

• Henry Miller

“Half of all marriages end in divorce. That’s not as bad as it sounds. The other half end in death.”

• Unknown

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• George W. Bush

“If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don’t actually live longer; it just seems longer.”

• Clement Freud

“I met a lot of people in Europe. I even encountered myself.”

• James Baldwin

Cat Tips & Images

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Lawyers spend a great deal of time shoveling smoke.

• Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

What do I know about sex? I’m a married man.

• Tom Clancy

Why do they build walls around cemeteries? It’s silly beyond a doubt. The people outside don’t want to get in and the people inside can’t get out!!!

• Harley Babe

Klipfiti: Humor and  Irony

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“If you want to make enemies, try to change something.”

• Woodrow Wilson (1856-1924)

“A little tomato who knows her onions can go out with an old potato and come home with a lot of lettuce and a couple of carats.”

• Herbert V Prochnow

“He was a man of many parts, but badly assembled.”

• Nancy Boyd

NRG. Energy Drink

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