Cool Quotes

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To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am.

• Bernard Baruch

He may have hairs on his chest; but, sister, so has Lassie.

• Cole Porter

It is better to have loafed and lost than never to have loafed at all.

• James Thurber

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“Man replying to broker’s sales call: ‘I’ll keep you in mind in case I’m ever crazy enough to entrust all my savings to a stranger on the phone’”

• Stein

“Automatic simply means that you can’t repair it yourself”

• Frank Capra

“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve immortality through not dying”

• Woody Allen

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“Let me tell you one thing I have against Moses. He took us forty years into the desert in order to bring us to the one place in the Middle East that has no oil”

• Golda Meir

“I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating. In fourteen days, I lost exactly two weeks”

• Joe E. Lewis

“Laughter is an orgasm triggered by the intercourse of reason with unreason”

• Jack Kroll

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“We have women in the military, but they don’t put us in the front lines. They don’t know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, ‘You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms!’”

• Elayne Boosler

“The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.”

• Groucho Marx

“Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule”

• Plant manager, Delco Corporation

Crazy Jokes

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“It is a part of the function of “law” to give recognition to ideas representing the exact opposite of established conduct. Most of the complications arise from the necessity of pretending to do one thing, while actually doing another”

• Thurman Arnold

“Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as meaningless experiences go, it’s pretty damned good”

• Woody Allen

“Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven’t been able to find anybody who’ll take what I have to give”

• Cass Daley

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“If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don’t actually live longer; it just seems longer.”

• Clement Freud

“Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation.  The other eight are unimportant.”

• Henry Miller

“Half of all marriages end in divorce. That’s not as bad as it sounds. The other half end in death.”

• Unknown

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“I’ve got gay supporters. I don’t ask their sexual orientation though.”

• George W. Bush

“If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don’t actually live longer; it just seems longer.”

• Clement Freud

“I met a lot of people in Europe. I even encountered myself.”

• James Baldwin

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