tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-149482692010-03-25T14:37:27.319-07:00Cool Quotes - HumorKlip7noreply@blogger.comBlogger59125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14948269.post-76776681765904242652010-03-25T14:35:00.001-07:002010-03-25T14:37:07.574-07:00<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-weight: bold;">.</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">To see new posts visit </span><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.cool-quotes.info/">http://www.cool-quotes.info/</a><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-weight: bold;">.</span><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/14948269-7677668176590424265?l=www.cool-quotes.info%2Fblog.html' alt='' /></div>Klip7noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14948269.post-43081374726459130962010-01-21T11:21:00.001-07:002010-01-21T11:23:06.198-07:00In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.<br /><br /><ul><li>Voltaire</li></ul><br />My cousin is an agoraphobic homosexual, which makes it kind of hard for him to come out of the closet.<br /><br /><ul><li>Bill Kelly</li></ul><br />I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.<br /><br /><ul><li>Garrison Keillor</li></ul><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.firmas7.com/nombres/e/"><span style="font-style: italic;"> Animated Signatures - Animated Names</span></a><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/14948269-4308137472645913096?l=www.cool-quotes.info%2Fblog.html' alt='' /></div>Klip7noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14948269.post-29510575072206780492009-12-13T06:30:00.001-07:002009-12-13T06:32:30.333-07:00"Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember it didn't work for the rabbit."<br /><br /><ul><li>R.E. Shay</li></ul><br />"Reality is that stuff which, no matter what you believe, just won't go away."<br /><br /><ul><li>David Paktor</li></ul><br />"Marriage is like a violin. After all the beautiful music is over, the strings are still attached."<br /><br /><ul><li>Renee from Napa</li></ul><br /><div style="text-align: center;"> <a href="http://www.herbal7.com/herbal_usa/english/thermojetics_tradicional.htm"><span style="font-style: italic;">Herbal Concentrate</span></a><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/14948269-2951057507220678049?l=www.cool-quotes.info%2Fblog.html' alt='' /></div>Klip7noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14948269.post-25908276182644669442009-10-16T10:31:00.001-07:002009-10-16T10:34:28.571-07:00"Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you!"<br /><br /><ul><li>Pericles (430 B.C.)</li></ul><br />"Happiness is good health and a bad memory."<br /><br /><ul><li>Ingrid Bergman</li></ul><br />"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."<br /><br /><ul><li>James Holt McGavran</li></ul><br /><div style="text-align: center;"> <a href="http://www.firmas7.com/nombres/n/"><span style="font-style: italic;">Animated Signatures - Animated Names</span></a><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/14948269-2590827618264466944?l=www.cool-quotes.info%2Fblog.html' alt='' /></div>Klip7noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14948269.post-1321606453945794912009-09-05T19:37:00.001-07:002009-09-05T19:39:27.487-07:00You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.<br /><br /><ul><li>Henny Youngman</li></ul><br />A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.<br /><br /><ul><li>Milton Berle</li></ul><br />Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.<br /><br /><ul><li>Henny Youngman</li></ul><br /><div style="text-align: center;"> <a href="http://www.klip7.cl/klip7i/online/proverbs.htm"><span style="font-style: italic;">Proverbs</span></a><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/14948269-132160645394579491?l=www.cool-quotes.info%2Fblog.html' alt='' /></div>Klip7noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14948269.post-66075712126508427402009-07-18T21:59:00.000-07:002009-07-18T22:00:28.072-07:00The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.<br /><br /><ul><li>Mark Twain</li></ul><br />It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.<br /><br /><ul><li>Matt Barry</li></ul><br />Mother to adult daughter: "Men are only after one thing -- the TV remote.<br /><br /><ul><li>Bunny Hoest &amp; John Reiner</li></ul><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.recipes7.info/"><span style="font-style: italic;"> Free Recipes</span></a><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/14948269-6607571212650842740?l=www.cool-quotes.info%2Fblog.html' alt='' /></div>Klip7noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14948269.post-25625636046254796572009-06-02T08:35:00.000-07:002009-06-02T08:36:30.261-07:00I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.<br /><br /><ul><li>Zsa Zsa Gabor</li></ul><br />Even a secret agent can't lie to a Jewish mother.<br /><br /><ul><li>Peter Malkin</li></ul><br />I love the lines the men use to get us into bed. 'Please, I'll only put it in for a minute.' What am I, a microwave?<br /><br /><ul><li>Beverly Mickins</li></ul> <br /><div style="text-align: center;"> <a href="http://www.herbal7.com/herbal_usa/english/tang_kuei.htm"><span style="font-style: italic;">Tang Kuei</span></a><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/14948269-2562563604625479657?l=www.cool-quotes.info%2Fblog.html' alt='' /></div>Klip7noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14948269.post-18899008597696697372009-04-08T19:22:00.001-07:002009-04-08T19:27:11.457-07:00Sometimes the best way to convince someone he is wrong is to let him have his way.<br /><br /><ul><li>Red O'Donnell</li></ul><br /><br />A hard man is good to find.<br /><br /><ul><li>Mae West</li></ul><br /><br />To do each day two things one dislikes is a precept I have followed scrupulously: every day I have got up and have gone to bed.<br /><br /><ul><li>W. Somerset Maugham</li></ul><br /><div style="text-align: center;"> <a href="http://www.tips7.info/"><span style="font-style: italic;">Tips &amp; Tricks - Home</span></a><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/14948269-1889900859769669737?l=www.cool-quotes.info%2Fblog.html' alt='' /></div>Klip7noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14948269.post-34778076981370636682009-02-15T13:44:00.000-07:002009-02-15T13:46:45.190-07:00There is no distinctly Native American criminal class...save Congress.<br /><br /><ul><li>Mark Twain</li></ul><br />Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.<br /><br /><ul><li>Drew Carey</li></ul><br />The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.<br /><br /><ul><li>Jeff Foxworthy</li></ul><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.comics7.info/"><span style="font-style: italic;"> Garfield</span></a><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/14948269-3477807698137063668?l=www.cool-quotes.info%2Fblog.html' alt='' /></div>Klip7noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14948269.post-58776857860577135862008-12-21T07:31:00.000-07:002008-12-21T07:31:00.266-07:00Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?<br /><br /><ul><li>Benny Hill</li></ul><br />Let me tell you one thing I have against Moses. He took us forty years into the desert in order to bring us to the one place in the Middle East that has no oil.<br /><br /><ul><li>Golda Meir</li></ul><br />When a man and woman are trying to have sex, he will often climax before she is ready. Sometimes he will climax before she is, technically, in the room.<br /><br /><ul><li>Dave Barry </li></ul><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.low7.net/"><span style="font-style: italic;"> Low Fat Recipes</span></a><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/14948269-5877685786057713586?l=www.cool-quotes.info%2Fblog.html' alt='' /></div>Klip7noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14948269.post-85782628040414943832008-12-14T07:26:00.000-07:002008-12-14T07:26:00.432-07:00She was known as the virgin queen... she was always on the verge.<br /><br /><ul><li>Gerald F Lieberman</li></ul><br />The time is at hand when the wearing of a prayer shawl and a skullcap will not bar a man from the White House...... unless, of course, the man is Jewish.<br /><br /><ul><li>Jules Farber</li></ul><br />His mind is like a steel trap -- full of mice<br /><br /><ul><li>Foghorn Leghorn</li></ul><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.klip7.cl/klip7i/online/virus_scan.htm"><span style="font-style: italic;"> Free Virus Scann</span></a><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/14948269-8578262804041494383?l=www.cool-quotes.info%2Fblog.html' alt='' /></div>Klip7noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14948269.post-61443339428188914622008-12-07T07:22:00.000-07:002008-12-07T07:22:00.356-07:00You know that look women get when they want sex? . . .Me neither.<br /><br /><ul><li>Drew Carey</li></ul><br />A tax cut is really one of the anecdotes to coming out of an economic illness."<br /><br /><ul><li>George W. Bush. (He meant to say "antidotes.")</li></ul><br />Bankruptcy is a legal proceeding in which you put your money in your pants pocket and give your coat to your creditors.<br /><br /><ul><li>Sam Goldwyn</li></ul><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.recipes7.info/archivo/2007_12_01_archive.html"><span style="font-style: italic;"> Free Recipes</span></a><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/14948269-6144333942818891462?l=www.cool-quotes.info%2Fblog.html' alt='' /></div>Klip7noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14948269.post-28109519099070103602008-11-30T07:19:00.000-07:002008-11-30T07:19:00.292-07:00Getting divorced just because you don’t love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.<br /><br /><ul><li>Zsa Zsa Gabor</li></ul><br />I love the lines the men use to get us into bed. 'Please, I'll only put it in for a minute.' What am I, a microwave?<br /><br /><ul><li>Beverly Mickins</li></ul><br />I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.<br /><br /><ul><li>George Burns</li></ul><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.klip7.cl/klip7i/online/crazy_pix.htm"><span style="font-style: italic;"> Crazy Pix</span></a><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/14948269-2810951909907010360?l=www.cool-quotes.info%2Fblog.html' alt='' /></div>Klip7noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14948269.post-40537768698013166372008-11-23T07:13:00.000-07:002008-11-23T07:13:00.241-07:00It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one<br /><br /><ul><li>Phil White</li></ul><br />Our country has come a long way: first we had George Washington, who couldn't tell a lie. Then we had Bill Clinton, who couldn't tell the truth... And now we have Al Gore, who can't tell the difference.<br /><br /><ul><li>Jay Leno</li></ul><br />I have enough money to last me the rest of my life ........unless I buy something.<br /><br /><ul><li>Jackie Mason</li></ul><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.klipfiti7.info/2008/07/klipfiti-20-07-08.html"><span style="font-style: italic;"> Klipfiti: Humor &amp; Irony</span></a><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/14948269-4053776869801316637?l=www.cool-quotes.info%2Fblog.html' alt='' /></div>Klip7noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14948269.post-25762037322654634562008-11-16T07:42:00.000-07:002008-11-16T07:42:00.679-07:00I've taken up smoking. My doctor says I'm not getting enough tar in my diet.<br /><br /><ul><li>Steve Martin</li></ul><br />Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.<br /><br /><ul><li>Lily Tomlin</li></ul><br />24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?<br /><br /><ul><li>Stephen Wright</li></ul><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.soul7.info/"><span style="font-style: italic;"> Quotes for the Soul</span></a><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/14948269-2576203732265463456?l=www.cool-quotes.info%2Fblog.html' alt='' /></div>Klip7noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14948269.post-31383041051816474862008-11-09T07:38:00.000-07:002008-11-09T07:38:00.382-07:00Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.<br /><br /><ul><li>H. L. Mencken</li></ul><br />I was raised by just my mom. See, my father died when I was eight years old. At least, that's what he told us in the letter.<br /><br /><ul><li>Drew Carey</li></ul><br />Male sexual response is far brisker and more automatic. It is triggered easily by things - like putting a quarter in a vending machine.<br /><br /><ul><li>Dr. Alex Comfort</li></ul><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.humor77.info/2008/07/humor-05-07-08.html"><span style="font-style: italic;"> Graphic Humor </span></a><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/14948269-3138304105181647486?l=www.cool-quotes.info%2Fblog.html' alt='' /></div>Klip7noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14948269.post-61390403603149561052008-11-02T07:35:00.000-07:002008-11-02T07:35:00.540-07:00I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.<br /><br /><ul><li>Sam Kinison</li></ul><br />The code of the schoolyard, Marge! The rules that teach a boy to be a man. Let's see. Don't tattle. Always make fun of those different from you. Never say anything, unless you're sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do.<br /><br /><ul><li>Homer Simpson</li></ul><br />Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.<br /><br /><ul><li>Benjamin Franklin</li></ul><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.recipes7.info/"><span style="font-style: italic;"> Recipes</span></a><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/14948269-6139040360314956105?l=www.cool-quotes.info%2Fblog.html' alt='' /></div>Klip7noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14948269.post-33439515070989054632008-10-26T07:32:00.000-07:002008-10-26T07:32:00.602-07:00Work is the curse of the drinking classes.<br /><br /><ul><li>Oscar Wilde</li></ul><br />People who live in glass houses have to answer the bell.<br /><br /><ul><li>Bruce Patterson</li></ul><br />Worst Month of the Year: February. February has only 28 days in it, which means that if you rent an apartment, you are paying for three full days you don't get. Try to avoid Februarys whenever possible.<br /><br /><ul><li>Steve Rubenstein</li></ul><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.humor77.info/archivo/2008_07_01_archive.html"><span style="font-style: italic;"> Graphic Humor </span></a><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/14948269-3343951507098905463?l=www.cool-quotes.info%2Fblog.html' alt='' /></div>Klip7noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14948269.post-292807100291968322008-10-19T07:28:00.000-07:002008-10-19T07:28:00.120-07:00If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side .<br /><br /><ul><li>Stuart Turner</li></ul><br />Many people lose their tempers merely from seeing you keep yours.<br /><br /><ul><li>Frank Moore Colby</li></ul><br />To attract men I wear a perfume called, 'New Car Interior.'<br /><br /><ul><li>Rita Rudner</li></ul><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.bumper7.info/"><span style="font-style: italic;">Bumper Stickers &amp; Cool Remarks</span></a><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/14948269-29280710029196832?l=www.cool-quotes.info%2Fblog.html' alt='' /></div>Klip7noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14948269.post-56038503580888653762008-10-12T07:25:00.000-07:002008-10-12T07:25:00.703-07:00What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?<br /><br /><ul><li>Marilyn Pittman</li></ul><br />What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind.<br /><br /><ul><li>Thomas Hewitt Key, 1799-1875</li></ul><br />What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.<br /><br /><ul><li>Dan Quayle </li></ul><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.humor77.info/archivo/2008_05_01_archive.html"><span style="font-style: italic;"> Graphic Humor </span></a><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/14948269-5603850358088865376?l=www.cool-quotes.info%2Fblog.html' alt='' /></div>Klip7noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14948269.post-6369459561732809282008-10-05T08:22:00.000-07:002008-10-05T08:22:00.130-07:00If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.<br /><br /><ul><li>David Daye</li></ul><br />Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.<br /><br /><ul><li>Billy Crystal</li></ul><br />I must be the luckiest man in the world. Not only am I bisexual, I am also Welsh.<br /><br /><ul><li>John Osborne</li></ul><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.recipes7.info/archivo/2007_05_01_archive.html"><span style="font-style: italic;"> Free Recipes</span></a><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/14948269-636945956173280928?l=www.cool-quotes.info%2Fblog.html' alt='' /></div>Klip7noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14948269.post-39446701763699216062008-09-27T21:41:00.000-07:002008-09-27T21:41:01.403-07:00I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, come home and expect to be fed and stroked, then want to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.<br /><br /><ul><li>Unknown</li></ul><br />A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.<br /><br /><ul><li>Sir Winston Churchill </li></ul><br />If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between dog and a man.<br /><br /><ul><li>Mark Twain</li></ul><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.recipes7.info/archivo/2008_06_01_archive.html"><span style="font-style: italic;"> Free Recipes</span></a><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/14948269-3944670176369921606?l=www.cool-quotes.info%2Fblog.html' alt='' /></div>Klip7noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14948269.post-16119869155205173402008-09-20T21:40:00.000-07:002008-09-20T21:40:01.218-07:00A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.<br /><br /><ul><li>Anonymous</li></ul><br />There are a number of mechanical devices that increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes- Benz 380SL convertible.<br /><br /><ul><li>P.J. O'Rourke</li></ul><br />The important thing in acting is to be able to laugh and cry. If I have to cry, I think of my sex life. If I have to laugh, I think of my sex life.<br /><br /><ul><li>Glenda Jackson</li></ul><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.proverbs7.info/2008/03/proverbs-040308.html"><span style="font-style: italic;"> Proverbs</span></a><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/14948269-1611986915520517340?l=www.cool-quotes.info%2Fblog.html' alt='' /></div>Klip7noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14948269.post-73641240585758471452008-09-13T21:36:00.000-07:002008-09-13T21:36:01.421-07:00It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago...<br /><br /><ul><li>Dan Quayle </li></ul><br />Laziness is nothing more than resting before you get tired.<br /><br /><ul><li>Jules Renard </li></ul><br />I've learned not to put things in my mouth that are bad for me.<br /><br /><ul><li>Monica Lewinsky on CNN's "Larry King Live", discussing her miraculous Jenny Craig weight-loss</li></ul><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.recipes7.info/archivo/2008_01_01_archive.html"><span style="font-style: italic;"> Free Recipes</span></a><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/14948269-7364124058575847145?l=www.cool-quotes.info%2Fblog.html' alt='' /></div>Klip7noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14948269.post-40482495924853659982008-09-06T21:32:00.000-07:002008-09-06T21:32:00.760-07:00You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline -it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.<br /><br /><ul><li>Frank Zappa</li></ul><br />A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.<br /><br /><ul><li>Tim Allen</li></ul><br />Never drink black coffee at lunch; it will keep you awake in the afternoon.<br /><br /><ul><li>Jilly Cooper, How to Survive from Nine to Five</li></ul><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.low7.net/archivo/2008_06_01_low77_archive.html"><span style="font-style: italic;"> Low Fat Recipes</span></a><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/14948269-4048249592485365998?l=www.cool-quotes.info%2Fblog.html' alt='' /></div>Klip7noreply@blogger.com